Only fools rush in
by draconiat
Summary: Castiel sat down with Dean to reveal to him the real reasons he cast him out of Hell. A fanfiction of a fanfiction. Related to Twist and Shout because that damn ff deserves its own ff.


"Dean.." - Cas whispered, taking a chair next to Dean - "There is something you need to know, there is a reason I saved you from hell. There are things you need to know now."

"Okay, spill it out." - Dean answered, a bit afraid of the answer he is going to get.

"Well, here I go." - Cas took a deep breath and started talking - "Some time before the Viatnamese war, I was an angel yearning to become a human. I begged God that I become one of you, just for a short while, until he decides it is enough. I wasn't like I am now, willing to rebel, because God had been there then, ruling over his kingdom and looking after his most prized possession - you. So I begged, and prayed, and wanted to be much more than just a watcher, so he granted me my wish. I was one of his most trusted angels after all.

So I went down to Earth, took the body of a dying teenage boy. He had nobody really, but he did have a fair amount of money, which did him no good since he was so sick. His soul passed on, but I took his body and the money he had to move away. Changed his name, got into college, even though I did not need college with the vast amount of knowledge I had already had, but I wanted to get to know humans better, and what is the better time period than college? Free from their parents, yet the burden of future is on their shoulders. The boy was really similar to Jimmy Novak, blue eyes and messy dark hair. I think they were from the same family line, since the boy's vessel fit me so well. I left my name, Castiel and added a lastname, Brown. It was simple, unsuspicious. I did fairly well in college. God had promised that He will not meddle with anything I do, and I can do whatever I want, until he calls me back. So, I went to college, I was a good kid. Until I met you, of course."

"Wait, what, me?" - Dean was utterly confused

"Let me finish, Dean, I promise I shall explain."

"Fine, man, continue"

"So, here I go. I went to a bar that night. I didn't even like bars, I used to spend my time in the library, studying things I had already known. I'd usually read psychology or social studies, just to get closer to humans, even though I was studying to become a doctor. Anyways, I was at that bar. Girls were coming onto me. I did not care much. And, suddenly, you came. I had no idea who you were. Apparently, you were popular. Your body was similar to the one you have now. See, souls can be reincarnated if the Universe finds it suitable. It's not that rare. It can happen if the Universe feels that the Soul has some unfinished business or if the Soul died in a way Universe does not like. It's all quite strange, if you ask me. The Soul looks the same in every body, no matter how much the bodies are different. It's true what they say, you can see a person's soul through their eyes.

You liked to ride motorcycles, and you were popular. Your name was Daniel, I think so. Everyone called you Dean, actually. Dan, Dannie, Dean-O. You came in and I felt your eyes on me, which kept me distracted, so I decided to leave. Alone. Without my grace, in the middle of the night. I was feeling vulnerable, I was walking and walking and then I heard a voice, your voice, asking if I needed a ride. You were a real daredevil, drove really fast. You obviously didn't have in your plan to ride me home, since you asked me out for a milkshake. We went to a place where Ellen worked, and Jo too."

"Wait, Ellen and Jo?"

"Yeah, their souls."

"Oh. I see. And Sammie?"

"Sam was your brother, of course. His name wasn't Sam, tho. But it was his soul, married to Jessica's soul."

"So, they are soulmates?"

"Yes, that is the concept of a soulmate, I believe."

"And apparently I was gay?"

"Yes, pretty much. Even though there was a rumor you were dating Lisa, you were the talk around town."

"Oh, Lisa's soul too. Okay man, continue."

"So, we went there, talked. You were surprised I didn't know a thing about you, since you were so popular. You were quite up front, coming onto me. You were a tad bit different, even though it was essentially you. But then again, the way a person is raised can determine a lot of their later aspects of personality, and in that time, you had quite a nice family and parents who loved you. After a while, you took me home, we shared a kiss and I expressed my fondness for Elvis."

"Wait, we kissed? Wait, you like Elvis? We kissed?!"

"Yes Dean, now please, let me get to the point. After a while, we moved in together. We barely had any friends. Homosexuality was a far bigger problem then, than it is now. We were short on money. But I really enjoyed my time with you, even though I knew it was limited. I was aware that God will call me, but I loved you , and you loved me and one day you were going to die, and we could be together in Heaven, so I enjoyed my Earthly time as much as I could. It was hard and I couldn't just mojo the money and approval. And then you had to go to Vietnam. I was really depressed. Only with you I could feel all the human feelings, in all their depth and form. I learned to become human. I had instances where being an angel completely slipped my mind.

Years passed, I really missed you. I prayed to God that you come back safe and sound. In June of '72, me, Jessica and Sam went to pick you up at the airport."

"72? And when did we meet?"

"1965, I believe. April."

"Seven years?"

"Yes, Dean, seven years." - Cas answered, smiling at the thought of the time he had with him back then - "Anyhow, we were to pick you up at the airport. I really hoped that you were the person I remembered. War changes people. Some don't come back with the sanity they had before leaving, I was afraid that it would happen to you, even though I watched centuries and centuries of humans fighting humans.

But you were different. At first it was kind of okay, but then, you stopped eating, you hardly slept, you watched a lot of television. You were constantly refusing my help, you went completely numb and I never wanted my angel powers as much as I wanted them then, but I couldn't ask for my grace, because God had said that He will not meddle with anything until He decides He will call me.

You were getting worse and worse and once I came back from school and you were drunk, crying how you couldn't save your own friend. I guessed it was someone you met in Vietnam, and you, naturally, took all the blame on yourself, something you have in common with the present you.

You..:" - Cas uttered, with a long pause after saying it - "...were abusive towards me, but I did not care. Even though my pain tolerance I had as an angel was gone, I did it all, I pushed through it all if it would make you feel better. I knew you loved me and _I had hoped that the love you have for me would be greater than the hatred you have for yourself._

Months passed by and you were not changing. One day, I came back from school and you were gone. Just like that. Without an explanation. I was sad, depressed and I felt horrible. I was at my lowest point. 3-4 years had passed and God demanded my return. I had nothing to lose, I had already lost you, so I had to fake my own death. I made the disease come, the disease the boy had before he became my vessel, so that the body could die properly and I could leave. But I wanted you to come, one last time. So, Gabriel called you, found your number, said I was dying and that I wanted to see you.

I had no idea if you did want to come back to see me, and I couldn't stay even if you wanted me back. I didn't know that bringing back the disease was going to have an effect on me too. It was horrible, really, it was not the pretend game I had hoped I could play.

Anyways, you did come back. I was so happy. You told me you loved me and it seems you have gotten over the things that happened in war. I was sad that you seemed to have forgotten about me. You found out about how low I actually went without you. I did drugs, hooked up with the wrong people, everything really sad humans do. I didn't even know how dangerous this disease was, poor boy, he surely was glad to leave his body peacefully. You wanted to save me so bad, but it was too late. I had to go. In the last days of my human existance, you brought a projector to my room and showed me our movie. It was us, at the beach and it was a really nice gesture coming from you.

I died on a Thursday. It was a lovely day, really. You tried to hold on to me as hard as you could, but I died, nonetheless. I told you, _see you then,_ because I knew we were going to meet in heaven, I was sure of it.

A few years later, just before your present birthday, you, Sam and Jess died in a car crash. I expected you in Heaven, but you didn't come. You were reincarnated and I was told to get over it. So I tried, believe me, I did. But I found your reincarnated self and looked after you. Watched you.

Years, decades passed, until I heard your screams in hell. It was you, it was my Daniel, it was my Dean. I had to save you. God was long gone, and I rebelled, because it was you, Dean. The rest is history. I love you, Dean Winchester, I love you. I can't help falling in love with you."

Dean sat motionless, stunned by what he had just heard. He could believe it. And all those dreams he had. About San Francisco, about wars, about people dying and him, lying in an apartment, dead drunk. It all made sense now.

"Aren't you going to say something now, what are we going to do?" - Cas asked, terrified by what Dean would answer. He could handle another lifetime of pain.

"We'll make it up as we go." - he answered, smiled, drank his whiskey and hit Castiel on the shoulders. Dean got up and went to exit the room.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed. Coming? You can watch over me this time."

Cas smiled lightly and followed his Dean to the bedroom, watching him sleep in silence.


End file.
